Cookie Dough Cupcakes

Rehearsal Cupcake!

It just takes some time but, little girl, in the middle of the ride–everything, everything will be just fine. Everything, everything will be alright…

Damn, people! I’m really not one to brag, but not only did I knock these cupcakes out of the park…I did it with a broiler–again. Good news–oven’s getting fixed today. Yesterday, I was really at a point where I needed a “win” so the fact that I had to broil these cupcakes and still managed to make them tasty and all around successful—well, it was really good for me. So allow me to celebrate: HELL YES!

They were actually pretty easy to make. First, I just made a small batch of chocolate chip cookie dough (use mini chocolate chips), and then scooped them out by the small teaspoonful and plopped them onto a cookie sheet and I froze them for about an hour.

For the cake mixture–I just used a yellow cake mix. It was fine, foodies. Calm down. Get the oven as close to 350 as the broiler can (or if your oven isn’t ridiculous–preheat it to 350). Fill your cupcake liners 1/2 way and plop a little ball of frozen cookie dough right on top. Bake until done (tough to say when using a broiler…it took about 15 minutes). Note: You’ll be baking just until the cake is done (an inserted toothpick should come out clean). The cookie dough will not cook all the way. When they were cool, they were slathered with chocolate frosting and flower sprinkles (we were celebrating 4 cast birthdays). You can find the full recipe here. And oh my gosh–so worth it. Look how yummy:

Delectable.

So, Wednesday was tough. It involved a very tough (though temporary) goodbye–which we all know, I am just terrible at. Two days later, I feel a bit more stable–but certainly, I’m still riding the Heartbreak Rollercoaster. Before rehearsal that on Wednesday, Geoff took me into the school’s chapel, and we did a bit of meditation and he said some things that really stuck with me–and helped me get through the day. Meditation is all about the breath–clearing your head and just focusing on the breath. Well, obviously there wasn’t any head clearing that happened–but there were several moments of peace–so, good!

I learned: The heart is so important; it pumps blood–it is vital–but the breath is just as important. In fact, right now, I need to let my breath be in control. It is so easy to let the heartache get stuck in your chest (we all know that physical pain I’m talking about), so for now, I just need to keep breathing. In particularly difficult moments, deepen the breath. Also, laughter is the most explosive–and most powerful–form of breath. I need to keep breathing, and try to laugh. I need to take my own stage management advice: laugh when I want to cry.

Lastly, I learned to take a mantra of love. If there’s a lot of heartache, there’s gotta be a lot of love, right? So, what if I picture that love emanating from me and channel it into other, more positive–more plausible–things and people. Don’t stop loving. Love more. And as always, bake through the pain.

I had one other win last night:

Yeah. I drove AND ate sushi at the same time. Champ? Me.

This isn’t easy, kids. But I’m trying to be positive. And I’m going to keep breathing. And I won’t stop loving.

I have this breath, and I hold it tight.

And I keep it in my chest, with all my might.

And pray to God this breath will last

As it pushes past my lips as I…GASP.